Dr. Ruth Westheimer — the orphan of the Holocaust, behavioral therapist, author and talk show host credited with easing conversations around sex — died on Friday, July 12, 2024 in Manhattan at the age of 96.
Serendipity brought Westheimer to the public fold when a sex education presentation led her to hitting New York City radio airwaves with her own program, eventually leading to the nationally syndicated Sexually Speaking in 1984 and her popular television programs, which paved the way for other notable psychologists in media over the next several decades.
Described as “revolutionary” by the New York Times, the icon – known publicly as simply Dr. Ruth – was credited with offering unprecedented insight on the historically neglected female orgasm; providing critical, fact-based information on HIV/AIDS during the height of the crisis when stigma and misinformation prevailed; and normalizing healthy discussion of sex among the general population.
Westheimer in conversation with friend and colleague Hope Leichter at the TC premiere of her documentary, Ask Dr. Ruth, at the College’s Cowin Center in 2019. (Photo: TC Archives)
“With remarkable humor and empathy, Ruth empowered the public through her unprecedented and vulnerable approach to discussing sex,” President Thomas Bailey said. “Over decades of work and friendship at the College, we have borne witness to the consequential nature of Ruth’s work – as her vision for a more healthy, open and equitable society continues to unfold. She will be deeply missed.”
An ambitious schedule of television, radio and personal appearances notwithstanding, Westheimer still managed to author or co-author more than 46 books including two autobiographies, pop-up books for children, a handbook for Alzheimer’s caregivers, and human sexuality tomes for every age group. At the height of her popularity, approximately 3,000 callers would attempt to get advice from the beloved expert – nicknamed “Grandma Freud” – during her weekly TV program.
“Sex is not only about intercourse and orgasms. The important thing is the companionship, and the friendship, and the knowledge that this is the person I can talk to and I can share my life with,” Westheimer told the McGill Reporter in 2015. “I meet so many people who tell me that I helped save their life or that I helped them when they were having difficulties. That’s very rewarding.”
A dedicated alumna and friend of Teachers College, Dr. Ruth imparted her wisdom while teaching at TC as an adjunct faculty member. She was honored with the Distinguished Alumni Award in 1991, and the Medal for Distinguished Service – TC’s highest honor – in 2006.
Westheimer poses with Sex for Dummies at her TC book signing in 2019. (Photo: TC Archives)
President Thomas Bailey and Westheimer in 2019. (Photo: TC Archives)
Westheimer at the wedding of Terry Cosentino and TC’s Tom Rock, Associate Vice President & Chief Student Affairs Officer. (Photo courtesy of Rock)
“Teachers College has an important place in my heart,” Westheimer said in 2013. “Every year, I come and talk to those students who have been accepted to other universities and to Teachers College. With my expertise in human sexuality,” she joked, “I tell them that whoever comes to Teachers College is going to have good sex for the rest of their lives.”
Westheimer’s service on the Teachers College faculty was defined by her commitment to cultivating knowledge and zest for life. “A treasured member of our community for more than 50 years, Dr. Ruth leaves an indelible impact on Teachers College, and the many psychologists, health educators and other scholars who follow in her stead,” said KerryAnn O’Meara, Vice President for Academic Affairs, Provost and Dean of the College. “Through her teaching and writing, Ruth gave her students the tools needed to help others live happier, healthier lives. Ruth’s joie de vivre — one of her favorite terms — lives on in them.”
Born Karola Ruth Siegel on June 4, 1928 in the Bavarian town of Karlstadt am Main, Westheimer was sent to live at a Swiss orphanage at age 10 as her Jewish parents became increasingly concerned for their safety in Nazi-ruled Germany.
Julius and Irma Siegel later perished in the Holocaust along with Westheimer’s grandparents and other members of her extended family. The trauma of her formative years set the mold for the educator and mental health professional destined to become a household name.
“I realize if I had been in Belgium or France, I wouldn’t be here,” she said in a 2019 interview with Hope Leichter, TC’s Elbenwood Professor of Education. “So that fact of having been saved has made me have an obligation to help others. And that is why going into the helping profession was the right thing for me.”
Dr. Ruth in 2013. (Photo: Shannon Taggart)
Her formal education interrupted by World War II, Westheimer lived in Israel and Palestine, and would later travel to Paris to study psychology at the Sorbonne. She migrated to the U.S. in 1956, supporting herself as a housekeeper while pursuing a graduate degree in sociology from The New School.
In the prelude to her prominence in media, Westheimer taught at the college-level, practiced as a psychologist, and worked at Planned Parenthood in various positions that demanded honest and open discussions about sex. Her work for Planned Parenthood led her to study human sexuality under Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan at what is now NewYork-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center. Westheimer would later teach there as an adjunct in addition to her positions at Teachers College, New York University, Lehman College and Brooklyn College. She later held numerous fellowships at Yale’s Calhoun College, the New York Academy of Medicine and Princeton’s Butler College, where she also taught.
Westheimer in 1988. (Photo: Wikimedia Commons)
“When you get into sex education, there’s a divide between helping people and just saying things that titillate. It can be a wavy line,” said Leichter, who served as Westheimer’s thesis adviser during her time at TC, in 2013. “But for Ruth, being a sex therapist is a way of being joyous. She has a serious message, about contraception and the importance of relationships and family. But she’s had a very tough life, and what she does is all about asserting her power to overcome and move beyond.”
Vanity Fair in 2009 cited Westheimer in naming her one of “Twelve Women Who Changed the Way We Look at Sex,” joining a list that included Margaret Sanger, Madonna, Alice Walker and Marilyn Monroe.
“Words like ‘erectile dysfunction’ and ‘vagina’ don’t exactly slip off the tongue,” Vanity Fair wrote. “But Dr. Ruth, as she was publicly known, had a way of talking about them that felt natural, even soothing.”
At each turn TC remained central to Westheimer’s life. She returned as an adjunct to teach courses on “Families, Television and Other Media;” made regular presentations to Academic Festival for alumni and Reimagining Education Summer Institute participants; and championed the College as a supporter, including by bolstering financial assistance to students through the Dr. Ruth Westheimer Scholarship Fund, created in 2001.
Westheimer was featured in “The Makers: Women Who Make America” a documentary on the women’s movement that aired on PBS. Her life was adapted into the critically-acclaimed stage play, Becoming Dr. Ruth, in 2013. In 2019, the documentary Ask Dr. Ruth premiered on Hulu and would later receive a Critics Choice Award. Westheimer is also a recipient of an Ellis Island Medal of Honor for her contributions to the United States as an immigrant; the New York City Mayor’s Liberty Award; and honorary degrees from Ben-Gurion University and Lehman University, among others. In 2022, she was honored for her contributions to and service of Fort Tryon Park as a Washington Heights resident with the Dr. Ruth Tulips.
In her later years, Westheimer has remained an active participant in the Jewish community – through her own synagogues and as a voice standing against antisemitism on the world stage. In 2015, she was honored by the New York City Council as part of Jewish Heritage Month for her contributions.
Westheimer took on a new role in 2023 when she was appointed as New York’s Loneliness Ambassador by Gov. Kathy Hochul, who created the role in response to Westheimer’s eagerness to address what she described as an epidemic.
“Let’s go and see how we can help people who don’t have a sexual problem,” Westheimer told the New York Times. “I don’t want to be known only as a sex therapist. I want to be known as a therapist.”
While a titillating subject vaulted Westheimer to fame, her underlying message remained practical and wise.
“Remember, attraction is only part of a relationship,” Westheimer mused. “Loyalty, commitment, responsibility and maturity make up the rest.”
Westheimer was predeceased by her late husband, Fred, to whom she was married for 36 years until his death in 1997. She is survived by her two children, Joel and Miriam (Ed.D. ’90), and four grandchildren.
— Steve Giegrich and Morgan Gilbard
Published Saturday, Jul 13, 2024